A Christmas to Remember Every Christmas

It was one month past our first wedding anniversary and Christmas morning.  As struggling college students, we had spent our year together literally banking on the saying, “Two can live as cheaply as one,” and now that we had a new, one month old baby, we were hoping to stretch that to three.  While I was growing up my mom always used to say, “We’re so poor, we can’t pay attention.” Starting my own little family, we were that poor too.

Most couples had gone home for the holidays, or at least to relatives nearby, but being from Alaska, we made a Christmas for our little family in our apartment.  Having little to give others, we decided to give our Christmas dinner away to the only young couple we knew of who was poorer than we were. However, making this delivery anonymously was going to require planning, luck, and athleticism.  Their apartment was in a building where the front door opened into a long hallway. 

With my wife waiting outside in the getaway car, I carefully set the box of food in front of their door, knocked very loudly, then shot down the hall in a flat out run.  As I reached the stairs at the end of the hall, I heard their door open.  I knew my only chance to not be seen was to leap the entire flight of stairs, so I did a weird jump — crouched over so as to be as low as I could be as I took to the air.

I almost made it.

My right foot hit the last step and I rolled my ankle and crashed in a heap on the landing below the stairs.  I popped up and hopped at hyper speed for the outside door, crossed the icy sidewalk and dove into the car and my wife sped off for home.

I hobbled up the stairs to our apartment thinking to myself, “It is amazing how good you can feel with a severely sprained ankle.”

We could hear the telephone ringing as we unlocked the door.  It was this couple.  “Rats!” I thought.  “He saw me!“

“Merry Christmas, Tom,” he said.

My wife looked at me as if to ask, “Who is it?” I pantomimed that it was this couple.  She gasped.

“Are you enjoying your Christmas dinner?” he asked.

“Why would he ask that?” I thought to myself.

We were so busted, but I tried to play it cool. “Actually, we haven’t had dinner yet,” I said.

“That’s what I thought,” he replied.

My wife whispered to me, “Do they know?” I nodded yes.

“Guess what?” He continued.  “Someone just left a whole Christmas dinner at our door, all cooked up, turkey and everything!”

“Really?” I said, wiping the sweat from my palms.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re calling you.  You guys are the only couple we know of that is poorer than we are, so we were wondering if you wanted to come over and have dinner with us.”

As we entered their apartment bearing the apple pie we held back for ourselves and still unsure if they suspected us, he asked me, “Tom, what happened to your leg?!”

“I cut myself shaving,” I joked.

That was exactly 20 years ago this Christmas.  I don’t remember many of the Christmas gifts I’ve received since then, but I know I will never forget what we gave that Christmas day, and how it felt.

BYU, is it enough?

My family and I are brand new to Utah. We moved to Orem from Alaska to be near our daughter at Brigham Young University, and because our younger children all want to go to BYU. We love this school and everything it stands for. As new residents, we barely know a handful of people here in Orem. On the other hand, I have no doubts that two well established, prominent men such as Dr. Ned Hill and Dr. Steve Albrecht have a lot of friends and supporters here, so I’m bracing myself for a negative response to this, nevertheless, I feel like someone has to say it: BYU needs to discipline Ned Hill and Steve Albrecht for their indiscretion.

To my knowledge, I have never met Ned Hill or Steve Albrecht. Dr. Albrecht was one of the authors of my accounting textbooks, and I read his book, Money Wise, when I was in my young 20’s and really enjoyed it. To me, they both seem to be outstanding men who I know I would very much enjoy knowing. Nevertheless, by all appearances, BYU seems oblivious to how egregious it was for Ned Hill and Steve Albrecht to use University resources to send a political advocacy email, and how these kinds of things may be perceived by people outside of Utah, and outside of our faith.

Here is where I am coming from.

I personally know two state workers in Alaska who were forced to resign over similar circumstances. They were the nicest of people, but one used her work computer’s hard drive to store non-work files, and the other used a photocopier to make non-work-related copies. I know that kind of thing happens in offices all the time, but when dealing with the public’s trust, you need to be on a strait and narrow path, you know, the one with few on it. The path with everyone on it leads to destruction, and BYU of all schools should understand this.

Likewise, the Anchorage Daily News recently reported the story of Randy Ruedrich, a prominent Republican and an Alaska state worker who used state resources to send political advocacy emails. In the end, he was forced to resign, pay a $12,000 fine and admit to wrong doing.

In other words, those of us who are not from this area are accustomed to seeing these kinds of issues dealt with in a manner far different from the actions BYU has taken. I am concerned that BYU doesn’t see this infraction in the same light as others may, and that this disparity may lead BYU to further embarrassment.

To be clear, I definitely do NOT feel Ned Hill and Steve Albrecht should be asked to resign.

However, the lack of any disciplinary action communicates that, in the University’s opinion, nothing too wrong has happened, and that isn’t how many people who aren’t from this area and don’t personally know these two men see this.

There is buzz on the Internet about how BYU’s political neutrality tilts to the right.  If BYU professors have controversial yet legal theories which cast doubt on a Republican administration, they are pressured to retire, but if they break actual laws to promote a Republican, they don’t even get slapped on the wrist. That is utter nonsense and the kind of blatant manipulation the Church often suffers, — but unfortunately a lot of people can’t see that, and they certainly can’t see that BYU is doing anything that indicates it actually disapproves of the political advocacy emails.

It’s not enough to keep publicizing a position of political neutrality when there is a well publicized action out there undercutting the effectiveness of that message, “… for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words” (Alma 39:11).

After all, it was Texan Alan Gluth who brought the matter of Hill and Albrecht’s email to the attention of BYU; BYU didn’t catch it on its own. And rest assured Mr. Gluth is not the only Texan who sees it as an ethics violation — most Texans would, as would most people in Alaska, Massachusetts, and the rest of the country, including those sitting in IRS offices.

Speaking of Alan Gluth, he was being generous when he wrote that Hill and Albrecht’s e-mail was probably sent innocently. Everyone knows (or at least hopes) that part of their job is to know ethics. And with annual reminders over the pulpit that church resources are not to be used for political purposes, it is too much of a stretch to believe that Hill and Albrecht missed that message. In other words, most of us believe they knew better.

Look at it this way: if the NCAA oversaw business schools as it does athletic programs, you know BYU would be disciplined for these violations. Shouldn’t BYU’s standards be at least as high as the NCAAs?

As a father of six teenagers, I am well aware of the sacrifices people make to send their children to BYU. As a young LDS missionary and many times since, I have observed first hand the great sacrifices made by many destitute yet faithful people to contribute funds to the Church. What a slap in the face it would be then if the careless actions of two comparatively affluent men jeopardized the University’s tax exempt status, and the University didn’t take substantive measures address it.

No one wants to see two really great guys disciplined, including me, but it’s not just about them. Their misstep cast a shadow on Mitt Romney, the LDS Church, BYU, and because of the name of our business school, maybe even the poor Marriott Corporation.

As you know, BYU’s media coverage has been unusually controversial lately, and more importantly, the controversy hasn’t been about athletics or students, it has been about BYU professors!  Same sex marriage opinions, World Trade Center theories, billion dollar law suits and now the newly alleged national covert political network of Mormons probably has people wondering about us. Why leave them wondering why BYU hasn’t disciplined Hill and Albrecht when it is generally the practice to do so in cases such as this? 

Seeing how similar matters have been handled by other organizations, what would YOU think if you were looking at BYU from the outside?  Would you wonder if perhaps BYU has a culture of casual ethics which created a climate where Hill and Albrecht thought it would be okay to use tax exempt resources for political advocacy, and now that lax atmosphere is letting these risky and inappropriate acts off easy?

In another story, according to the Salt Lake Tribune, the LDS church is taking “corrective action” against a church employee for using Church resources to forward a pro-Romney article. This wasn’t a person of tremendous influence using Church resources to endorse a candidate, he didn’t try to organize Latter-day Saints into a nationwide political force, he didn’t even write the article! He just forwarded it, and the Church is taking action.

BYU, why aren’t you doing the same?

Pertinent Links:

LDS Offcials distance Church from Romney, Deseret News, Tuesday October 24, 2006 by Stephen Speckman.

Call to back Romney raises a legal red flag, Salt Lake Tribune, Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by Thomas Burr

LDS Church acts against employee who used his church e-mail account, Salt Lake Tribune, Tuesday, October 24, 2006 by Thomas Burr

Stopping the Bull

The great philosopher, Anonymous, once said, “Thinking that life should treat you fairly because you are a good person is like thinking a bull shouldn’t charge you because you are a vegetarian.”

Someday I may blog on the lies of liars and the incredible incompetence of those who should have protected our family from them, but probably not. Obviously life is not fair, and apparently it is not even meant to be.

If this life was about fairness, no child would ever be harmed, and all ice cream would be calorie-free.

However, one good thing about injustice is that it forces you to take directions with your life you otherwise would not have chosen, even if God wants you to. Take, for example, Joseph of the Old Testament. If it wasn’t for the cruelty of Joseph’s own family, Joseph would never have gone to Egypt to prepare for an impending famine that would have surely annihilated the children of Israel.

Joseph may not have appreciated the injustices he suffered as he suffered them, but in the end he saw the astonishing love and wisdom of God’s will. Thanks to those very injustices, and Joseph’s great attitude and faith, Joseph found himself in a position to save his family.

As we were online booking flights to Indiana to look at houses, we received a couple of childish, mean-spirited emails. As a policy I keep others innocent to how some people treat me, in the supremely naive hope that keeping above pettiness may one day pave a path to better relations. So without disclosing specifics, what the emails said in essence is that these people currently have no desire to live any gospel principle which might result in things getting better between us, and in children living happier lives.

Conversely, Nicky and I are all about helping our children have happier lives, so we prayed and felt inspired to book flights to Utah instead. You know what? Our family learned that Utah is a surprisingly superb place to holiday.

Then we realized that relocating to Provo or Orem might be a shrewd move. Nicky and I are the parents of 7 children, including 6 teenagers. We have a daughter there at the university now, and we will have two more children going to school there after this coming school year. In fact, the Provo / Orem area is where all of our children want to go to school.

With all of our children headed to the same area, and perhaps someday some grandchildren as well, moving makes sense. And in a fervent companionship prayer, Nicky and I learned that our Heavenly Father agrees.

So, less than 7 days after sitting down to book flights to Indiana to look at houses, we purchased a house in south Orem, Utah. Below is a photo album of the new house in Utah. Click “Play” or the gold colored arrows to view photos of the house.

Life isn’t fair, even for good people, and even vegetarians get charged by bulls… but try not to let yourself worry too much about it.

“Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.” (D&C 90: 24).

Joseph explained to his brothers how life works for those who keep their attitudes well and place their faith in Christ:

“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)

Is Terre Haute the place to go?

I am considering moving my family to Terre Haute, Indiana so I’m doing research. Look what Wikipedia says about Terre Haute, Indiana:

• Comedian Steve Martin calls Terre Haute, “the most nowhere place in America” and “the armpit of America”. In his movie, Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, actor and writer Steve Martin has the town destroyed by Nazis using cheese mold.

• In 1955, Terre Haute was labeled Sin City by the monthly magazine, Stag. Although Terre Haute has had different nicknames (“The Crossroads of America,” for one), “Sin City” seemed to be its most popular moniker for several decades.

• The city also developed a reputation for being “wide open”, with gambling and a well-developed “Red Light District” only recently cleaned up.

• Terre Haute is notorious in and around the Midwest for its distinct bad odor which is the result of local industry (specifically a paper plant and a poorly located sewage treatment facility).

• Businessman Kevin Burke was elected the city’s mayor in 2003 and vowed to make cleaning up the city’s smell — and image – one of his administration’s top priorities.

• During the second decade of the 20th Century, Terre Haute was rocked by political scandal and that reputation persisted for several decades.

• As the coal mines were spent, and the importance of the railroads declined, the town is now labeled a “bad labor town”.

• It was recently called “A Model of Stagnation” by The Indianapolis Star.

• The city is known to have one of the highest per-capita number of restaurants in the nation. Most of these are chains, however. [For example, Anchorage which has a population of 277,000, has 36 fast food places according to Superpages.com. The 60,000 people of Terre Haute have 53 fast food places, including 6 McDonald's, 6 Burger Kings, 6 Subways, 4 Arby's, 4 Dairy Queens, 4 Long John Silvers, 4 Wendy's, 3 Taco Bells, 3 Hardees. The 53 fast food places does not include places like Applebees, IHOP, Dennys, etc. which they also have plenty of.]

• Terre Haute is the location of a large Federal prison which is the location of the United States Government’s Death Row. Timothy McVeigh was put to death at Terre Haute in 2001 for carrying out the Oklahoma City Bombing.

• A local hotel brags that it is a place where Al Capone used to stay.

I’m sure all that is accurate, but what it was, and what it is, isn’t necessarily what it can be.

I have been visiting with good members of the church in Terre Haute, some of whom have lived there most of their lives, and I am honestly excited about the prospect of moving there — more so than Nicky is at the moment!

“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.” (Doctrine and Covenants 9:8)

These next days will be (pardon the oxymoron) filled with fasting, and we certainly will be “studying it out” in our minds. But above all, we will be asking Father if it be right.

The important thing is how would living there affect and shape our family?

And after that, how would living there shape and affect the youth and others of Terre Haute with whom we would associate? Can we be a force for good there? Or would it be like throwing a white glove in the mud in an attempt to get the mud “glovey”?

I have the faith that we will be guided in the best thing to do for our family; this is too important a decision, and children are too precious in His sight for it to be otherwise.

Heavenly Daughter, Are You Really There?

Saturday, May 6, 2006. Today my eldest daughter became someone else’s girl.

I knew this day would come. Over the years I would sometimes think about this day, usually as I watched other people marry off their daughters. But for the most part, I tried not to think about it. I didn’t want to think about it. How could I? I used to miss her when I left the house to play basketball with the guys for a few hours, how much would I miss her when she leaves to play house with a guy forever?

No matter how hard I tried not to think about this day though, still, today was nothing like I ever thought it would be.

Of the countless memories I share with this precious person, tonight one stands out.

Jessica, Tommy, Caleb and I were pushing a shopping cart through Costco in Anchorage when we came upon a former coworker. This person had deliberately harmed me in a very serious way with false accusations, but when I saw her, I had honestly forgotten that momentarily. I approached this former coworker with a warm, friendly greeting. The woman was clearly shocked then apprehensive, and that is when I remembered what she had done to me.

Our conversation was nice but brief, and when the woman was out of earshot, the kids asked me who she was. When I told them, I saw three different reactions on the faces of my three children.

Caleb looked surprised and then slightly scared, and looked at the woman as if to make sure she were moving away from us.

Tommy’s look was one of unrestrained admiration and he said, “Wow! I can’t believe you were nice to her!”

Jessica though, she looked mad at me. “I can’t believe you, dad!” she said, “I could never forgive someone who did that to me.”

I said that I hope she was wrong about that.

I have always tried to teach my children the importance of forgiveness, both by word and by example. However, I’m pretty sure my children have no idea how hard that has been at times for me. Maybe because, so far, I have been successful at forgiving others, they think it is always an easy thing for me. I wish that were true.

Many are the nights where rest never came, where all the injustice of my life erupted like lava inside me and flowed from my eyes and down my face for hours, only to subside then erupt again. Of the trials we face in life, few are as lonely as being falsely accused. Everyone smugly rushes to believe that “where there is smoke, there is fire,” even when we all know that just “friction” can produce smoke as well.

But you have to forgive those who wrong you, and those who judge you for your supposed sins.

“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

“And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.” (D&C 64:8-11.)

A lot gets said about the importance of unconditional love in relationships. Not enough gets said about unconditional forgiveness. Then again, what is unconditional love, if it isn’t forgiveness?

As Latter-day Saints, we need to remember that the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, doesn’t just wash us from our sins, it washes those who have wronged us from their sins as well.

On this, her wedding day, I think back to some of the hard learned lessons I have learned about marriage and wonder if there is anything more important I could have taught my daughter than forgiveness, and I wonder if she has grown enough now to never tell herself she couldn’t forgive someone.

In an imperfect world, it is just a matter of time before imperfect people behave imperfectly. Without forgiveness, you cannot keep a relationship alive and healthy. And without a true and complete humility, you cannot truly and completely forgive.

Anyway, as my mind keeps chasing sleep from me tonight, I guess I find myself fixing potholes on Memory Lane. Was I a good enough dad? Even as she becomes someone else’s girl, I want my baby girl back.

Today is one of the happiest days of my life, even if I don’t know it yet.

I love you, Jessica Rose Johnson.