Alaskanisms

Anchorage Daily News reporter, Cinthia Ritchie, challenged us to come up with “Alaskanisms” such as “termination dust” or “bunny boots” in her Sunday article. That sounded fun, so here are some more Alaskanisms:

o The Lesser 48 (snobbish but fun)
o PFDemons (merchants tempting you for your PFD check)
o Permanent FUN Dividend (Alaskan’s annual budget supplement)
o Pothole Ballet (dodging potholes while driving)
o Bermmed in (snow berm blocking driveway)
o Berm back (sore back from shoveling show berm)
o Berm-a-frost (frozen snow burm)
o April Cruel Day (fresh snow falling in April)
o Spring Creaming (fresh snow falling in April)
o Snow Tire-ranny (obligatory semi-annual tire change overs)
o Yearly Re-Tire-ment (seasonal tire change over)
o Kooters (patrons of “Koots” or Chilkoot Charlies)
o Road dirt tan (a car color)
o Mud Lights (mud-covered headlights)
o No beams (mud-covered headlights)
o Lazy wash (“laser” car washes)
o Taking a warm cut (cutting through a building to get warmer)

There is half a chance others will come to me and be added to list later.

The Governor of AncMatSu, Alaskette

(From Blog907.net)

 

The great philosopher, Anonymous, once said, “No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” If we who live in the Municipality of Anchorage and the Matanuska-Susitna Borough aren’t careful, we could easily harm Alaska overall by thinking only of ourselves.

The Anchorage Daily News reported yesterday that Sarah Palin will seek the Republican nomination for governor of Alaska in 2006.

There is an old saying about not biting the hand that feeds you.

A person who plans to pursue politics as a profession pretty much needs the backing of one of the two major political parties to pull it off. Although there are 57 political parties in America at last count, of the 50 state governors in place today, 22 are Democrats and 28 are Republicans. For those of us who weren’t math majors, that’s all 50 states.

So unless you are willing to gain fortune and name recognition by dressing in speed-os and pretending to wrestle grown men (like Jesse Ventura did), you really had better be in good standing with either the Republican or the Democratic parties.

That being the case, I admire Sarah Palin for her courage to publicly stand against the ethical abuses of Republican Party of Alaska Chairman Randy Ruedrich, and former state Attorney General Gregg Renkes. [Stay tuned for a blog entry on how the Republican Party of Alaska has lost its soul -- and my membership.]

I like Sarah a lot. But I don’t know that I would vote for her.

Sarah Palin supports moving the legislature to Anchorage from Juneau — at least part time. While that probably draws applause in Anchorage and the Matsu Borough, “AncMatSu,” it draws groans from the rest of Alaska. There is something a large number of the residents of AncMatSu just doesn’t get yet.

In a poignant scene in the movie, Gandhi, Gandhi tells India’s political heavyweights that they gather and make passionate speeches, but the speeches are for themselves; the whole of India is largely unaffected. Gandhi then points out that India isn’t the concentration of people in New Delhi or Bombay, it is a huge, wondrous, vast country and all its inhabitants.

Likewise, Alaska is not the concentration of people in Anchorage or the Matsu Valley.

A Tlingit Elder once told me, “Anchorage is not Alaska. Anchorage is a nest of lower 48ers who come to Alaska but want to make it look, smell and feel like where they came from.”

That is probably true. If Anchorage is all you have seen of Alaska, then chances are you have seen more of McDonalds, Fred Meyer, Costco, Walmart, Taco Bell, Nordstrom’s, REI, ski resorts and hotel chains than you have the things that Alaska is famous for. Like most Anchoragans, even most of the Alaska souvenirs that you can buy in Anchorage are imports.

Anchorage is 1,956 sq. miles (Portage to Eklutna). The Matsu Borough is 25,000 square miles. Combined, that puts the size of AncMatSu at 26,956 square miles. Alaska is 656,425 square miles in size, meaning AncMatSu is just 4 percent of Alaska. Four percent!

The problem is, this 4 percent area plainly wants to dominate the political machines of the state so as to further benefit this more populated Alaskette, even if it comes at the expense of sparsely populated Alaska.

About 331,000 of Alaska’s 655,435 people, or 50.5 percent of the people of Alaska, live in the 4 percent area of AncMatSu, Alaskette. I am one of them. I live over 10 miles out of downtown Eagle River, next to the Eagle River Nature Center. My nearest neighbor, if we don’t count the near daily moose and occasional bears we see out our windows, is acres from me. And like many AncMatSuians, while my freezer may be full of fish, my cupboards are bursting with oversized packages from Sam’s Club and Costco. And yes, my trash contains an occasional sack from McDonalds or Taco Bell.

The great philosopher, Anonymous, once said, “No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” If we who live in the Municipality of Anchorage and the Matanuska-Susitna Borough aren’t careful, we could easily harm Alaska overall by thinking only of ourselves.

Politically speaking, the majority in AncMatSu is so powerful that if it doesn’t want something to happen, no matter how good it is for someplace else in the state, it just isn’t going to happen. However, for AncMatSu to tell Bethel how their area should be run is exactly akin to Los Angeles telling Anchorage how it should be run. Communities outside AncMatSu are different groups of people with starkly different needs, and we shouldn’t be able to bully anyone in Alaska just because we are bigger than they are.

Because of the tremendous population distribution disparity in this state, if the right thing for Alaska is to ever get done, it is going to take a lot of us who live in AncMatSu to put the interests of the state as a whole ahead of our personal or local interests. We need to acknowledge that we are our brothers’ keeper.

Economically speaking, Juneau is to Southeast Alaska as Anchorage is to Southcentral Alaska. And just as Anchorage is the transportation hub for most of Alaska, Juneau is the transportation hub for Southeast Alaska. Juneau, and all of Southeast Alaska, needs to keep the center of state government to keep that area economically sound.

Which brings me to the real reason to move the capital.

For all the academic and philosophical arguments for moving the capital, the practical reality is that AncMatSu gets plenty from the Alaska’s political system, even though the capital is in far away Juneau.

The truth is, AncMatSu land and business owners stand to benefit immeasurably more by a capital move than the typical Alaskan citizen would. Capital move proponents are pirates, flying the innocent flag of government access over a vessel full of drooling businessmen dreaming of the treasures they might loot from their brothers to the southeast. Moving the capital will without question devastate economies in Southeast Alaska.

Does it make sense to harm a large part of Alaska in order to benefit a part of Alaska that is already doing better than any other part of the state?

Only greed could make a person answer yes.

While moving legislative sessions from Juneau to Anchorage might be good for the concentration of people who live in AncMatSu, Alaskette, it absolutely would be bad for Alaska. The issue should be dropped once and for all and our attentions put to more worthwhile efforts.

India is not just New Delhi and Bombay. Alaska is not just Anchorage and the Matsu. Government is not just for the urbanites.

Sarah had the courage to put the interests of Alaska ahead of those of her political party. However, until Sarah does it again and puts the interests of all Alaska ahead of her local AncMatsu constituents, I’ll be holding out, hoping for a gubernatorial candidate for ALL Alaska.

On the other hand, I’d be thrilled if the Republican ethical champion, Sarah Palin, reconsidered her position on moving the legislature.

Alaska Day

(From Blog907.net)

This article published in The Alaska Star on Thursday, October 13, 2005.

(Faxed to Dan Fagan Friday, 07 October 2005 @ 2:41pm)

Dear Dan Fagan,

I enjoyed listening to your show yesterday (Thursday, October 6, 2005). I agree; Paul the intern is a “solid guy.”

I listened with keen interest to the anecdote about the woman who is eligible for health services at the Native hospital but doesn’t take advantage of them because she doesn’t want to be a part of the entitlement mentality. I had my three high school aged children in the car with me as I listened, and I turned up the radio and made them listen as well as you and your guest applauded her for her principles, and thrashed the evils of the entitlement culture. I agree how un-conservative that thinking is. I was glad my children were hearing this.

But then we were all thrown for a loop as we listened to your guest turn around and refer to the Permanent Fund Dividend as “your” dividend check, and then the two of you campaigned for the PFD with indignation. My children literally started laughing as they discussed how can you believe the entitlement mindset is bad, and then hold your hand out and demand “your” PFD check?

For quite a bit of the show, you and your guests criticized Ben Stevens about money he has received putting to Ben the question, “What did you do for the money?” That is a GREAT question! Let’s put it to all Alaskans: what did YOU do for the PFD money? Fill out a 1 page application online?!

It is easy to rationalize and say the PFD is different, I know, because as an Alaska Native myself, having worked in Native organizations for most of my career, I have heard those arguments again and again. Every entitlement thinks it is different, and there are always plenty of really legit reasons for an entitlement — that is how the entitlement gets established in the first place!

But no matter the justification, if we really feel it is our right to be handed money, and that we are entitled to it even though we didn’t work to earn it, then we are without question a major part of the entitlement culture of Alaska, whether or not we like to admit it. A spade doesn’t have to be a liberal to be called a spade, does it?

You know what a true blue Reagan Republican would do with the Permanent Fund earnings? Not give away money like blanket welfare for all Alaska residents, but use it to bring tax relief to actual working people. Take property owners for instance. Where is the politician who will stand up and say the money will be used for villages, boroughs, municipalities … for local governments to provide relief from high property taxes as a benefit for actual Alaskans living and working in Alaska? The trickle down effect of course would be that renters, businesses and even visitors would benefit as well. Or where is the politician who will champion setting aside a huge savings account for disaster relief when that rainy day hits an Alaskan community as Katrina hit the lower 48? And don’t even get me started on people who want to increase property taxes or establish statewide sales or income taxes but not touch the dividend.

Sadly, most Alaskans, including we conservatives, would rather debate political principles than sacrifice for them. That is what makes the woman who declines to take advantage of her Native health benefits special, and a noteworthy example for us all.

At any rate, good show. By the way, if you think Paul the intern is solid in the studio, you should see him on the basketball court! Wow.

Cheers,

Tom Pittman
Eagle River, Alaska